Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
