that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
