I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
