No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
