that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
