and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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