when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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