We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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