WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
