Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize