He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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