dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
