part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
