I am puke
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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