my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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