I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
