My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
