you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
