found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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