my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
