There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
