I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
