so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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