HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
