left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize