i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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