How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
