Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
