Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
