my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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