so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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