The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
