Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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