remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize