He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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