They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
