Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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