Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize