the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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