I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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