Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
