Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
