remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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