My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
