and she was petting her beer can
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
