i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize