at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
