I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
