Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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