I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
