how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
