Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
