Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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