i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize