i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize