My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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