the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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