hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
