and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Randomize
