I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
