I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
