who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
